Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Death by Radio

TWANG!
How radio is erasing our history
By David Rey

Commercial radio has almost killed off our collective cultural memory and in its place substituted the forgettable, the unobtrusive and the emotionless fare that passes for audio entertainment on you car stereo dial.

I’m not talking about the top-40 or hot hits stations – which play the rap or Blink-182-ish flavor of the week. That kind of stuff is important – kids need their own music, be it bad or good in quality.

I’m talking about these stations that try to pass themselves off as “classic rock,” “oldies” and “country.”

I’ll start the tirade with an assault on radio’s worst station genre, the so-called “classic rock” purveyors. These stations are the first part of the machine that has been erected to make us eventually forget that “Rubber Soul,” “Blonde on Blonde,” “Exile on Main Street,” and “Pet Sounds” ever existed.

Number one rule of classic rock: Never play anything off of those four albums.

I’m positive they tell new DJs: “You may play Wings in place of the Beatles. You may not ever play anything John Lennon created apart from The Beatles except “Imagine” – and then only on really sad days.”

Furthermore, “Bob Dylan does not exist except in his funny faux-stoner creation, “Rainy Day Woman #12 and 35.’”

And, “You will be instantly fired if anything except “Tumbling Dice” is ever played off of “Exile.’”

The Rolling Stones catalog is probably given more latitude than any other on-the-edge-of-control group – but the constant playing of “Brown Sugar” and “Start Me Up” is a bit ridiculous. More “Rocks Off” and “Jumping Jack Flash” please.

In place of these monumental creations, the classic rock stations have erected once-an-hour odes to Kansas and their horrible “Dust in the Wind.”

You’d think Jethro Tull was the biggest band in rock history given the sheer number of times they play their best known song, “Aqualung.”

And the origin of this rant comes from the fact that I got out of my car at lunch in the middle of ZZ Top’s “Legs” and when I got back into my car to go pick up my wife after work, “Legs” greeted me as I turned on the ignition.

There are at least 10,000 classic rock possibilities, and these jokers are playing one of ZZ Top’s worst songs twice in less than four hours. Sheesh – ever heard of “Jesus Just Left Chicago” for Pete’s sake?

Get rid of the icons and innovators and flood the airwaves with Def Leppard, Boston, The Eagles, Bad Co., The Scorpions and, God save us, Bob Seger.

While the classic rock stations are busy erasing late 60s songs from your memory, the oldies stations have already succeeded in eliminating the originators of rock and roll from their playlists completely.

I’ve never heard Carl Perkins on an oldies station.

Johnny Cash? Isn’t he that country feller?

Chuck Berry? Bo Diddley? Buddy Holly?

What do I hear when I listen?

Gerry and the Pacemakers. The Association. Frankie Valli. And that lousy Big Bopper song every single day.

Hair salon music is what it is – music to cut hair and gossip to.

Elvis’ “That’s All Right Mama” may cause manicure injuries or hair dye imperfections.

It’s much safer to play one of his schlocky 60s songs.

Now I’ve worked myself into such a titter that I’m afraid of what I’ll say about country stations.

So I’ll leave it at “Play more Waylon!”

2 Comments:

Blogger Greasy Chip Butty said...

Hi Dave!

Good playlist. Not sure about the whole Duran Duran purge though, still have a sneaking liking for them, especially their contribution to the Bond theme tune genre...but I was always more of a Tony Hadley girl than a Simon Le Bon girl.

Having nostalgic flashbacks to San Jose and the weird Nacho Libre bar - ah the good old days! Helen and I still trying to work out how to do this whole weblogging thing - not sure we've cracked it yet!

Keep rocking dude,

Ruth x

2:29 AM  
Blogger D.Rey said...

Ah, the Nacho Libre bar -- where the DJ plays for his own pleasure and the two dancers are forced to dance on a wall ledge...

San Jose', we hardly knew ye...

It's good to hear from you, Ruth! All sorts of American nonsense on my blog, so stay tuned...

10:59 AM  

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